Real-life chicklit
Friday, July 30, 2004
There used to be a lovely tree outside my study window, which is on the second floor so I was right up in the branches. It was home to one family of magpies, one family of tits and a squirrel who used to shelter from the rain underneath his tail in an incredibly cute fashion. Me and the boyf used to love looking at all the stuff going on in the tree and watching its leaves change as the seasons went round. You can also see it when you're standing at the sink in the kitchen doing the washing up and it was always a bit like having a TV outside the window showing a wildlife programme.
Then the day before yesterday we arrived home from work to find the tree hideously dismembered – the owner of the garden that it's in hadn't even bothered to get proper tree surgeons, the branches had just been hacked off every which way and sometimes not even cut completely through so they were hanging off. Being the hippies that we are, obviously we were heart broken, not least because when the tree was there we were blocked from our neighbours' view and could walk round the house naked.
Now the tree's been stripped, you have to put on a dressing gown if you want to get out of bed for a piss in the middle of the night without flashing any dirty old men that happen to be living opposite. And that's just a pain, so I have to admit any observant neighbours will have seen quite a bit of me in the past couple of nights.
However, the reason for posting this is that I've just noticed that it works both ways – there's rather a nice looking young man wandering round his bedroom in his pants right opposite me. Hooray!
I really like the new Square crisps ad with the Inquisition guy leaping on unsuspecting members of the public who are eating the "not natural" square crisps. "Look! A dog with two heads and two bodies!" Makes me chuckle every time. Way better than some ageing football pundit or that posh bird in a bath.
So I have a new boss who is pro-Dubya. He revealed this to me yesterday on our office team-building day out, and didn't want to talk about it as he was aware it would be an unpopular view - I must say I did agree that there's nothing spoils a team-building day out like a political shouting match between the boss and his 12 intoxicated employees.
I was, however, interested to hear his reasons, as I have never met anyone before who will actually standup and be counted as a Bush supporter, so I promised not to say anything if he would run through what he liked about Dubya.
His arguments in favour of W were, and I'll paraphrase as little as possible here:
1. He is a man of the people with a folksy approach that is genuinely popular with Americans
2. We must take into account that he is an ordinary guy who has been promoted beyond his ability
3. America does a lot of good stuff around the world, for instance giving the greatest amount of overseas aid to fight AIDS, but this is not reported because the media prefers to concentrate on the bad stuff instead
4. The war in Afghanistan was a good thing because it removed an evil misogynistic regime, thus making the world a better place
5. The war in Iraq is more debatable, but Saddam Hussein did have weapons of mass destruction, and in 20 years' time we will look back and be grateful to the USA for having removed the worst dictator the world has seen since Pol Pot.
What do you say to someone like that? I mean, he's entitled to his opinions, but how can he be so very wrong? He appears to be a reasonably intelligent guy, although we have our professional differences, so how can he look at the evidence in front of him and come to the conclusion that George W Bush is a great guy?
Here, in very brief form, is what I would have said to him.
1. Rather than folksy man of the people, I would say "stupid, cringe-making, irresponsible, obsessed with his image but excrutiatingly bad at maintaining a good one, selfish, hypocritical religious fundamentalist and ex-drug user who puts the interests of big business before the interests of the people he is nominally representing"
2. The president of the USA is (supposedly) the most powerful man in the world. If the incumbent person is not up the job, we cannot afford to give him the indulgence and sympathy we might give to, say, a civil servant who needs a bit more training before they can really do their job effectively. If the man with his finger on the nuclear trigger and responsible for a budget of billions is too stupid to handle it, he should resign or be impeached.
3. The overseas aid given by the USA is almost entirely, if not entirely, given under such terms as to benefit the USA and its corporations more than anyone else. It is not given freely for the recipients to spend on their own terms. OK, so the rest of the Western world does the same thing, but we're not talking about them. If America really wants to help fight AIDS, why doesn't it cancel the crippling debt repayments that prevent developing countries buying the drugs and sex education their HIV+ and non-HIV+ residents so desperately need?
4 and 5. There is so much to say, I don't even know where to start. All I can say is "bu-bu-bu-oil-bu-bu-bu-civilians-bu-bu-bu-international law-bu-bu-bu-intelligence-bu-bu-bu-propaganda" before collapsing in a heap of socks and sandals. I'm sure Taxloss can put it better than me if he can be bothered, failing that, Noam Chomsky and Michael Moore have both written books relevant to the whole thing that definitely put it better than me.
For the record, boss is also a big fan of Ariel Sharon, I am told by a colleague.
As with all my posts, I welcome comments, but I would remind potential commenters (commentators?) that I do mention my place of work elsewhere on this blog, thus making it pretty easy for any interested party to identify my boss, so please be wary of any libelliciousness.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
"The best way to keep your youth is to tie him to the bed" - Tara Schwartz
"I don't exercise. If god had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor" - Joan Rivers
Monday, July 26, 2004
The Voice Within? Imagine if your internal monologue really did sound like Christina Aguilera, or Agu-i-i-i-i-i-l-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-r-a-a-a-a-a-uh-uh-uh-ye-e-e-e-e-eah, as she probably pronounces it.
Friday, July 23, 2004
I am tackling the Corrs issue by listening to "Jesus Built My Hotrod" by Ministry. It seems to be working.
Pouffe, as the French say when they are feeling un peu overwhelmed. I'm a little freaked out by not one but a whole two people that I don't either work with or hang with commenting on my blog (see the Glade entry, below - sorry, still haven't bothered finding out how to link to previous entries, and I don't intend to, so you'll just have to make with the scroll bars, people).
I always write with the assumption that I'm doing little more than natter to myself to pass the time at work (and because my colleagues have to get the opportunity to do something more constructive than listen to my prattling for at least part of the day) so now I'm getting a little self-conscious.
I'm mighty chuffed, too, though, obviously.
I expect they are channel-surfing from Taxloss - the Channel 4 to my Sky One.
The worst thing is, though, that this morning I found myself singing along to - nay, even rather enjoying - a song by the Corrs. Is this the end of my youth?
So Mandy's going to be the new EU commissioner? What's that all about? I find it very odd that New Labour, a party that is supposedly characterised by an awareness of its own public image, repeatedly allows Peter Mandelson to take positions of responsibility despite his history of scandal. I mean, I know Tony Blair loves him, but can Blair not see that he's just embarrassing himself?
Everyone's always going on about how New Labour is all spin and pandering to public opinion rather than decisively leading the country, but I don't see much evidence of either these days.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Yay! I love it when people I don't know comment on my blog. And how kind of the mysterious John (see below) to point me in the direction of these photos from the Glade. Awwwww. It was so much fun..... I particularly like the way so many of these pics are helpfully labelled "dancing" because looking at some of them, you do wonder exactly what's going on.
Sadly, though, I'm not in any of them despite having been the best-dressed person there, with the possible exception of the chap in the bunny ears. This is probably a good thing however as I have featured in previous on-line party photos and always manage to look super-gormless.
Dusty also turned me onto these rather charming re-enactments of classic films by cartoon bunnies, which are a much more suitable thing for young ladies to be concerned with. Also, 'Alien' is one of my favourite films, indeed the whole series is. Sigourney - what a gal.
And in the meantime, I've been a bit slack lately with my You Still Woulds, so here's today's: Tom "Magnum PI" Selleck. Come on, you SO still would, especially after the Friends cameo. Not only is he the only man in the world who can carry off a moustache, he really has now just become little more than a fuzzy moustache, a crinkly-eye smile and That Voice, which is the thing that really does it for me. Woddaguy. The thing is, though, if he shaved off the tash, would you recognise him? I bet when he's not working he shaves and then he can just walk round the supermarket with no one bothering him.
Ohmigod! Having just typed that, I seem to have stumbled across a photo that is either horrendously mislabelled, or an actual rare example of Selleck sans tash. What do you reckon?
Let's also treat ourselves to a look at him in the glory days, although I have to say he is ageing superbly in manner of a fine Roquefort and has become even more charming with the passing of the years.
Dusty has sent me this little game. It's rather political, which of course is not a seemly topic for a lady to discuss, so I won't tell you anything about it, you'll just have to click on the link.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Here's a leedle something from my brother for anyone who has ever lived in or near Britain's Second City (TM). Turn up that sound!
Ooh. This is the first time I've posted since Blogger introduced the new editing thingy. It's a bit weird but at least it means I can do pretty colours and exciting fonts, which is fun for all of about 15 seconds and completely meaningless to anyone who's got their browser tuned to "ignore font styles specified on web pages".
Sorry for not posting for a while by the way (she says as if she has any regular readers that aren't her mates anyway), but I've spent the weekend at the Glade Festival, pictures of which I cannt find on the internet to show you but basically it was a lovely field full of lovely people. We did have a nice time.
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Which movie villain are you?
I was Agent Smith.
Which is odd.
But perhaps I'm too wiley to reveal my true identity...
Monday, July 12, 2004
Hey word-fans. Literature can be fun, as we can see from this Dylan Thomas Random Poem Generator and this Hamlet game (thanks Sundried). Woo! No wonder everyone's choosing Eng Lit degrees nowadays.
Over the weekend the boyf and I have come to the realisation that we left a bag full of expensive and important shit somewhere in a field in Somerset after Glastonbury. Could have been in the green field camping area, could have been in car park W27, could have been anywhere in between.
It's a forlorn hope I know, but if anyone has found a bag containing 1 pair of Scarpa hiking boots (v muddy), 1 pair of Altura waterproof trousers (v v muddy), a pair grey DC trainers (muddy) and 1 pair Merrell Convertible sandals (without the removable straps) please let me know coz we miss them and they are all going to be expensive to replace. By the way, if you do find them, I'd advise that you don't touch the DCs because they are my special trainers that I keep solely for festivals because they are so old and fucked up and have been on so many festival toilet floors, so best only to touch the insides or else wash your hands thoroughly afterwards.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Poor David. As a "get well soon" gesture, I'm making him my sugar daddy of the day, coz I totally still would, even though I suspect he's a bit weird in bed, if only because I still remember the early-pubescent stirrings he aroused in me in Labyrinth ("Sarah! Don't Defy Me!"...in these tights, who would?). Lady Benthal and my boyfriend's twin brother would doubtless agree with me, and I know the latter reads my blog so this is a special treat for him.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Pretty busy today, but let's cheer ourselves up with an Older God of the Day: Piers Brosnan. Come on, you know you still would, and I bet he wouldn't even have to buy you dinner first.
Monday, July 05, 2004
Yesterday was American Independence Day, oxymoronic as that name may seem. Regular readers will know that I slag off Uncle Sam quite often, so here, in the interest of balance, are my Top 10 Things I Like About America and Americans (I am here adopting the custom of referring to the USA as "America", so apologies to everyone who lives in the continent - Canadians, I love you guys anyway, and as for the people further south, well, I suspect you probably don't care coz you're too busy having really gorgeous wildlife and mountain scenery).
As a caveat I should mention that most of this stuff was decided when I was lucky enough to attend college on Long Island for a semester, but I have tried hard not to judge the entire country by Long Island and/or NYC, as I know they aren't representative, and anyway I did spend two months pootling around the country a bit.
In no particular order, they are:
1) The TV shows. Friends, Frasier, Charlie's Angels, Knight Rider, Wonder Woman, Dallas, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, 24, the list goes on and on...
2) The service. It's a cliche, but you really do get amazing service in bars and restaurants - we really should adopt the tipping thing in the UK. When you get bad service, you can complain and your server will actually make an effort to make things better for you becuase they believe you have a right to value for your money, rather than just glaring at you and then spitting in your food when it's in the kitchen.
3) The choice of food in the diners and sandwich shops. I initially found it extremely confusing to be able to order almost literally anything I wanted, but once I got used to it, I loved it, especially the way you can order your meal exactly how you like it - eggs done the way you like, ingredients added or removed according to taste - and it actually comes that way; in the UK people will still just expect you to take what you're offered and lump it.
4) The scenery. New England, the Florida keys, the Missippi - it's a beyoodiful coundree.
5) The trains. A really comfortable and reliable way to travel as long as you're not in a hurry. The observation cars are a great idea.
6) People are really friendly. It's another cliche, but again true: people you're known for five minutes will actually want to get involved in a conversation about you and what you do and think, or to give you a tour of their home town.
7) And they're really supportive of other people's creative endeavours - even if you play the guitar badly and sing like shit, they'll still tell you that you should really come along to open mike night because, you know, that's a really great thing you're doing there. And as a result, they're totally unembarrassed about their own efforts to act/sing/whatever, which is really refreshing when you come from a culture in which it's hard to put yourself forward for fear of getting rejected or laughed at.
7) The doughnuts, the pizza and the coffee. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn.
8) The innocence. I've met many Yanks when I've been abroad who have said things like "why is that Cambodian peasant riding a broken bicycle? why doesn't he just buy a new one?" but I've also met many who have been so open to new things, so willing to give other people the benefit of the doubt and so excited to experience different cultures. It's really touching and it's often made me feel jaded and cynical.
9) The music. I know we gave the world the Beatles and the Stones but the US gave us jazz, the blues, country, soul, rock'n'roll, grunge, house and techno.
10) The freaks and weirdos. I'm not talking about the many, many Yanks who think they're alternative but have actually just bought an off-the-shelf lifestyle from their local head shop. I mean the bona fide, Burning Man Festival, live-in-the-desert-somewhere-near-Santa-Fe-and-make-sculpture-from-pieces-of-old-tractor loons. Bless 'em.
Friday, July 02, 2004
Silly season has begun, so we get stories like this one about a bloke who wrote down "all his thoughts" for three months.
Bet he didn't. Unless he thinks very, very slowly or writes super, super fast. Or maybe gets distracted a lot less often than I do.
Apparently, he noted things down, and then filed them in order later, but how could he then write down what he was thinking while he was filing? And surely, once you start writing, you are thinking about writing as well as what you were originally thinking about, so the section of his notes under the category of "writing" must be fucking huge.
If he wanted to study the structure of his thoughts, why not just meditate? It's a lot easier on the writing arm and wastes less paper.
What a surprise, he's a computer games tester (although I'm pleased to see that according to the BBC "geek" is now a job title). I think I'll file this chap under "needs to meet more girls".
