Real-life chicklit
Friday, February 27, 2004
Words of the day courtesy of Taxloss: almost, biopsy and chintz. They are the only six-letter words in the English language in which all the letters are in alphabetical order and don't repeat.
Older goddess of the day: she's got brass in pocket, she's got legs and she's gonna use 'em ...it's the one, the only, Ms Chrissie Hynde - can't believe the series has been going this long without including her yet. Check out how the story next to the pic says "still sexy after all these years" - why the hell shouldn't she be? She's only 53, goddammit, and I intend to be a sexy mofo way into my 70s. I will never look good as good as Chrissie does in leather jeans, however. Can you believe she's got kids? I read somewhere her saying that she stopped making so many records in the 90s because she didn't want to embarrass her kids. How could that be? If my mum was a rock siren like Chrissie Hynde I'd be well proud (not that my mum wasn't, of course, rock'n'roll in her own way. She did like Johnny Cash).
Thursday, February 26, 2004
Word of the day: pontificate
Check out this quiz. Mostly the emails my friends send round at work are shite but this is remarkably imaginative.
Good morning! It's a lovely sunny day and I am out of bed remarkably early for a Thursday. I was supposed to be interviewing for a new henchman at 8.30 this morning but he didn't turn up because he thought the date was next Thursday. We let him off because we like him so much (and I once turned up a week late for a job interview myself, so I can't criticise - mind you, seeing as the job was on PR Week magazine, I think it was a good thing I didn't get it). Still I'd rather have had my lie-in.
Last week was a bad week for my diet - I went nearly 1100 calories over my weekly limit, but hey, it was my birthday AND pancake day in the same week which is just unfair - so I am having to haul myself back onto the wagon again from today. Actually the wagon is several miles further down the road now and I am having to chase after it before I can even try to climb back on. I was quite enjoying the diet for the first few weeks as I felt very smug and also it was a bit of a new adventure as I've never been on one before; now though the grim reality is settling in (along with the entire Chocolate Orange that I've eaten over the past two days). Ho hum.
So, today's older goddess is not only over 35, she's also over size 16. She is the lovely Dawn French and granted, these aren't the most flattering pictures ever taken of her (it's hard to find a flattering one really as she tends to pull silly faces in pictures, which I guess might have something to do with the fact tat she makes her living from comedy) but they are from the TV advert for Chocolate Orange which is rather relevant to today for me - see, I don't just throw this shit together you know.
On a more serious note, Sundried and I have been indulging in some philosophical debate with a rather odd American correspondent to Taxloss' blog. To cut a long story short, he reckons atheism shouldn't be taught in schools because "we have a duty to God". Kind of an odd view in my opinion, as I believe in tolerance for other people's beliefs so long as they don't try to harm or coerce anyone else according to their own belief system - in other words, for instance, if someone wants to believe that black people are inferior to white, then I believe they sould have the freedom to hold that belief as long as they have been fully informed of the alternatives and as long as they don't then go about treating black people with less respect than white people. Unfortunately of course, the action does tend to flow from the belief, so I am well aware of the hole in my argument, but that's the glory of real life - things don't happen in black and white.
On the subject of education, though, I went to a church school and ended up a Buddhist so that goes to show how useful religious education is. I was talking to the boyf about it last night and he said he didn't think any kind of religion should be taught in school. I have to say I agree with him, although I think children should learn about different belief systems as part of a wider education about different cultures - perhaps anthropology or cultural studies would be a more appropriate subject. Mind you, I don't know what it's like in the States but these days in Britain kids in school celebrate every religious festival under the sun so I think they are getting a pretty rounded education.
I think, though, that the whole point of education is to equip future adults with the ability to analyse and question, so kids shouldn't be told that one thing is right and one thing is wrong. Buddha told his disciples several times during his life that they should not only question all received knowledge in their own society but even question and challenge every single thing that the Buddha himself said, and then only to follow him if they felt after extensive analysis that what he was saying was the truth. Which is one of the things I like best about him. Buddhism's great, by the way - the idea of an evangelical Buddhist is a bit of a contradiction in terms, but if you don't know anything about it I suggest you read some stuff about it. You might not decide to abandon all your worldly relationships and go meditate on a mountainside for the rest of your current incarnation, but you're bound to find something interesting. Try Buddha for Beginners or for a specifically Western take on the whole thing, try this.
Isn't the Millennium Bridge beautiful? I never really got what all the fuss is about until a few days ago when I realised that my bus goes right past the north end of it in the morning. So I hopped off and walked across it, which only adds about five minutes to my journey to work but adds immeasurable joy as I never realised how lovely it looks as you walk onto it (from the side I don't dig it so much). Also it's much better than my other route, across Blackfriars Bridge, because the Millennium Bridge has so little traffic noise and you can hear the river lapping against the riverbank. Today the sun was shining and I felt very happy indeed - not a normal mode for me at 8 oclock on a Thursday morning.
Monday, February 23, 2004
Ooh. My lovely friend Lentil has a blog. Read it - again, it's much more deep than mine, but you know, there's a place in the world for those of us who don't take life too seriously as well.
It's my birthday tomorrow, I will be 29 and I can't wait. Unfortunately Tuesdays are a busy day at work for me so I'll probably have a grim time, but on Saturday night I had a rockin' party. It was a pyjama party for the girls and Bessie and I were looking fabulous in Carry On Housewife nighties. I was going to put some pictures up on here but it doesn't support pix unless I upgrade to FTP blogging, which I ain't gonna do. Suffice to say we were in pink polyester and curlers, and yes boys, we did have a pillow fight and paint each others' toenails.
And look below - I have a comment from someone that I don't even know!!!! That has made my day as I often get worried that Real-life Chicklit isn't intellectual enough. He seems like a nice bloke and a fellow muser on the road of the urbane even if he does agree with that nasty Ethan Hawke.
Word of the day: Obergurgl. It's a ski resort in Austria.
Also, check out the best justification for infidelity ever to come out of the mouth of a cheating, lying scumbag of a waste-of-space two-timing no-good excuse for a man. And he was married to Uma bloody Thurman! if she can't hold onto a guy, what hope is there for the rest of us? Speaking of which, today's gorgeous over-35 is the one and only Jerry Hall. I once saw an interview with her on TV where the interviewer revealed that the first thing Jerry had asked when she came into the room was "which side am I going to be lit from" and then arranged herself accordingly. What a professional. What amazing legs. And she's way better off without that Mick Jagger. She's got a few more years left in her than he has, that's for certain.
Friday, February 20, 2004
Word of the day: blurb
Felicity Kendal is my older goddess of the day - I had planned her to be featured today but there also seems to be popular demand from readers, so that's a happy coincidence. Felicity, like Honor Blackman, is of the "saucy attitude keeps you saucy" school, but I think the fact that she's looked about 12 for her entire life doesn't hurt either. Mind you, I don't believe that picture further down is her body.
Last night Sundried and I went for dinner at our colleagues' house (I'm going to call them Beryl and Sandra after the Liver Birds) and had a thoroughly enjoyable time. We all got proper drunk and talked at the tops of our voices all at the same time about utter rubbish - and had a good old bitch about our other co-workers. A jolly good wheeze all round. Unfortunately the boyf was trying to call me all night because he was "worried" that I hadn't turned up to the birthday party he thought we were both going to; he'd forgotten that I told him days ago I was going to Beryl and Sandra's. So now I'm in the doghouse. Humph.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Word of the day: Knee. What a strange sound to be used to represent the joint between upper and lower leg. I guess Saussure was right.
Check out this article from the Onion. It's funny but it's also kinda close to the bone for a lot of us I think...... .
So I've changed my mind again about the mohair wool - thinkI am going to make a shrug after all and I might make yesterday's kimono-sweater in black. I know black is dull but I have a whole bagful of black yarn to use up and I think it would show the texture on the trim and on the sash piece better than fluffy mohair. Meanwhile, however, I have done the back and an arm of the stripey jumper I'm making for my friend's little boy - just wanted to mention that so it doesn't seem like my so-called hobby of knitting just involves me procrastinating about what to make and never getting anything done (although as every knitter knows, the procrastination is all part of the fun).
Today's beautiful and inspiring older woman: the one and only Anita Roddick. "Anti-ageing creams don't work"? We hear ya, sister - but can you believe she's 58????! Bet she doesn't use Body Shop cleanser, even their "dry skin" range makes my skin go all flaky and red.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
I got a postcard this morning from my sister who was on holiday in New York - she and her girlfriend have got engaged! Which is rather lovely. I don't know whether they will actually have a wedding/commitment ceremony type thing or whether it will just be a permanent engagement, but I'm picturing it like the Whoopi Goldberg cameo episode of Absolutely Fabulous although maybe that's just my heterosexual steretyping. I'm really glad she's found her soulmate and although I don't see them often they look very happy. So yay! Another wedding. That's not mine. Sniff. But even dad seemed quite chuffed about it although I think he's a little bit confused about the legal situation of a gay couple. Mind you, I think quite a lot of gay couples are confused about their legal situation, so he's not alone there.
So it's press day again; that means I'm supposed to be evenly busy throughout the day but in reality I'm actually subjected to short periods of intense stress with stretches of boredom in between when I can't relax because I know that if other members of the editorial team could get their shit together, I could spread the work out to a pleasant level all day rather than wildly fluctuating blood pressure. OK, that's not really fair, as the aforementioned other members of the team are stressed out too and the cock-ups aren't always entirely their fault, but you know, this is my blog so I'll bitch if I want to.
I've been filling the time by looking at knitting patterns. I actually think I might change my mind about what pattern to knit with my big bag of fluffy turquoise mohair; I think I will knit this one instead, with only the top bit fluffy and the bottom bit done in non-fluffy yarn of a slightly paler blue. God knows why the woman in the picture chose green and pink for her version, but it takes all sorts.
Meanwhile, yay for the Darkness and their Brit award sensation!! I love them (the band that is, not the awards, which are a pile of tosh). And I feel an unsettling attraction to Justin the singer and his brother Dan - when I was about 14 I would have totally adored them, indeed I had a number of crushes on not dissimilar looking boys, but these days I have tended to go more for the shaven-headed skater type. Clearly, there is something of the Marillion fan lurking within me yet.
Check out the picture of Beyonce further down that page as well. She's such a goddess. Which brings me neatly onto today's ageing goddess: Katharine Hepburn. Yes, I know she's dead now, but when she was alive she was still radiant into her 70s. With her, I think it's a bone structure thing.
Actually, let's have two today coz I want to get in a mention for Germaine Greer. I know it's kind of a bad picture but that's because it's very difficult to find a photo of her where she's not looking all sour-faced and disapproving (that being how the mass media likes to portray .... whisper it ..... FEMINISTS!!!!!!). Well, I think she's a great example of how to dress your age and still look stylish, and I think everyone who's slagged her off as some kind of perv lately because she wrote that book about the fetishisation of teenage boys over the past few thousand years should go and get worked up about something more important like war or famine or AIDS.
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Word of the day: quite (I like the way it feels in your mouth when you say it and I think it is quite onomatopoeic)
I love 1970s groupies, particularly the lovely Pamela Des Barres, whose autobiography I've just read. She's very funny AND she got to shag Jimmy Page and Mick Jagger when they were still sexy and not drug-addled leathery grandads with 80s hair. Plus she used to be nanny to Frank and Gail Zappa's kids, and you don't get much more rock'n'roll than that.
The funny thing is, though, having read her books, she really wasn't that promiscuous, certainly no more than I and my friends have been in my time (and without, I might add, the temptation of a young Robert Plant hanging about us). I guess it was pretty wild for the time, though. She looked absolutely fantastic, especially when she was in the GTOs, and still does actually, so she can be second on my list of fantastic older women.
The thing that really struck me was that in those days being a groupie was the closest you could really get to being in a rock band if you were a woman. The GTOs were supposed to be the first girl rock band although they only had one album.
One of my other favourite groupies is the totally loony Cynthia Plastercaster, who used to make (and still does!) plaster casts of musician's genitalia, basically I think originally as an excuse to get into their pants. Anyway I am overjoyed to find you can buy them online - Jimi Hendrix is rather proud, don't you think, although I am disappointed to see that Clint out of PWEI is so bendy, as I always rather fancied him when I was an aching teen.
Saw a great picture of the wonderful Diana Rigg in the Independent this morning. She is starring in Suddenly Last Summer at the Sheffield Lyceum and looked fabulous. It started me thinking about beautiful older women and how inspiring it is to see them not succumbing to the idea that you can't be beautiful if you're over 35.
So I wanted to put a link to the picture but the bloody capitalist scum at the Indy charges to look at its content - charges, in fact, more per article on line than it charges for an entire newspaper in the shops - so instead I will have to start my series with the fabulous Honor Blackman who oozes classy sex appeal and epitomises the "keep the saucy attitude and the rest of you stays saucy too" method of graceful ageing. Mind you, the post-coital-fag voice helps too.
Monday, February 16, 2004
Word of the day: indeed
Have just been in two really boring meetings which didn't have very much to do with me. Ho hum. So instead of me telling you about those, have a look at this mildly amusing Tory bullshit. I don't know whether to find it funny that the Tories actually think anyone cares about what they'd do if they ever hypothetically got into power, or whether to get angry that there are actually people in the country who think taxes should be cut.
Me? I say raise taxes and let's have a welfare state that actually works, like in Denmark and that. Everyone always goes "oh oh I wouldn't want to pay 50% income tax" but considering the enormous amount that leaves my payslip every month without me even looking at it, and the four grand bill I've just had to pay for my self-employed earnings (actually, for self-employed earnings that the tax office thinks I'm going to earn this year, but I'm not, coz I'm not really self-employed any more, so I have to claim it back after, but this is all boring so I'll stop now) - anyway considering all that money I pay for such tiny benefit to me and to the poor buggers on income support, wouldn't it be better to pay a lot more money and actually get something back for it? My council tax is like 60 quid a month and we don't even have a half-adequate recycling service; never mind getting
On the other hand, though, the world is a beautiful place, spring is springing and my little sort-of garden is blooming with snowdrops and narcissi. Those ones in the pictures aren't mine but they are rather lovely.
Two truly exciting things happened this weekend:
1) someone told me I looked like I'd lost weight before she even knew I was on a diet!!!!! It was my lovely friend Dusty who was getting her hair cut short again and now looks fabulous. It was part of getting over her ex who is a no-good lily-livered sonofaheehaw mmmmHMMMN sister so she was leaping round the kitchen saying how she could feel her new life beginning or something. Anyway it led to the discovery that my friend Treehugger used to go to hairdressing college. She's also the one who used to be a lapdancer. Very odd. I am starting to be unsure whether she is a bit of a phoebe-from-Friends/winding me up/living an imaginary life. Anyway she did a damn good job with the scissors and she is a groovy mover on the tiles, so all the vidence suggests the Phoebe angle.
2) I found a lovely pattern to knit with my gorgeous blue mohair yarn. I bought the yarn on Ebay dead cheap and there's not enough to make a standard jumper so I was thinking of a doing a shrug, but let's face it they do look a bit silly and with that new Batchelors soup ad that's on at the moment, I think a pair of blue fluffy arms may not be the fashion way to go right now. (NB One of my claims to fame is that I went to school with the guy who said "So much nicier" on the 1980s soup ad. His name is Sean and as far as I'm aware he is now a showbiz hack, so it just goes to show that once it gets in your blood ...) anyway I'll let you know how the jumper gets on.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
So. Here I am in my first ever blog. I feel terribly zeitgeist (even though as usual I am terribly late getting involved in something trendy and probably it’s totally unfashionable by now and everyone In The Know is doing something else. Hey, whatever.)
As you can see I have chosen Fizzwhizz as my nom de plume: it’s the name of my boyfriend’s beautiful white cat. He also has a cat called Mojo; they live with the boyf’s parents. I have a cat who lives with us: you can see him here – that’s him as a kitten, dancing eternally with the aid of Taxloss. Isn’t that rather lovely? as Lentil would say.
Taxloss, by the way, is the blogger who inspired me to begin; Hypatia is his lovely ladyfriend; their blogs are probably much better than mine’s going to be so I recommend you have a look – they talk about art and philosophy and intellectual stuff that I’m sure ain’t going to get even close to a look-in here in Real Life Chicklit, so if that’s your bag, head over there instead.
So. Here we are on Thursday. Went to the pub yesterday to welcome a new girl to work. She’s going to sit next to me so I might call her RHN for right-hand neighbour. (I have no LHN at the moment.) She seemed very nice but it was a bit unpleasant in the end because the conversation degenerated into two of my colleagues (I’ll call them Deadline and Fingers) going on about what a bitch I am. As well as being slightly hurtful to me, poor RHN must have thought it was a bit odd to be hit in the face with a load of office politics before she’s even arrived and to be told that the woman she’s going to sit next to is a minion of Satan. I think if I was her boss I might have been more discreet but what do I know about anything?
Ah well. After that petite moan, let me cheer you up by directing you to the best office time-wasting game ever ever ever in the whole world ever (once again, I take my hat off to Taxloss for introducing me to it. I do have other friends by the way – you’ll meet them soon) and also to a lovely beach. I saw in the Millennium on this beach and it was even better than it looks – now, sadly, the trees have all gone and it’s nothing but huts and hotels. Such is mass tourism.
